


Sex & Damages

by IShouldBeWriting



Category: Singularity North
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Het Relationship, Disability, Empathy, F/M, Oral Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 18:39:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IShouldBeWriting/pseuds/IShouldBeWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christian gains insight into what makes Tash who she is at a very unlikely time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex & Damages

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This starts out as fluff and sex but ends up getting into damaged psyches and unfortunate choices in one character's sexual past.

It was the snick of the door locking that told him who’d come to visit. Tash was the only person at TEAR who ever came into the quartermaster’s office suite and locked the door behind her. From the day he’d begun working at TEAR Christian had in fact, maintained the exact opposite policy, attempting to always have the door open for visitors. But when Tash had become part of his life, he’d understood that sometimes she needed time with him in private.

More often than not, Tash sought him out as a refuge, a place to go when she desperately needed to regain her emotional bearings after patching up from a messy anomaly call. Early on there’d been a pair of poorly timed incidents, one with Toby McTavish and the other Ian Nigels. She’d been raw, openly weeping in his arms as she’d fought to regain her distance from emotions that were not her own. Seeing her upset, McTavish had made the mistake of placing a hand, intended to be sympathetic, on her shoulder. Completely unprotected, the medic and empath had taken the full brunt of McTavish’s guilt and anger over the injuries of his men. It’d been a month before Tash would let McTavish close enough to touch her even by accident. Since then the rest of TEAR's staff had come to a tacit understanding of the slightly odd arrangement. On the rare occasions when Major Sayer was in but his office was locked, it was usually wise to just come back later.

To his credit, when Major Bennett made a similar mistake, he’d retreated, then later quietly and firmly insisted that she teach him what to do in order to not hurt her when she was overloaded. Christian’s respect for TEAR’s CO had risen considerably that day. Most men, particularly those in the military, wouldn’t have believed in Tash’s unique abilities, much less asked to learn about handling them appropriately. Given that Christian wasn’t at TEAR full time, it’d been immensely comforting to know that someone else on staff could be trusted to help Tash in his absence.

Christian’s musings were interrupted as a pair of well-built arms snaked their way down his shoulders and across his chest. Tash’s delightfully warm mouth nuzzled the back of his neck, nipping and kissing a path to his right ear.

“Need you,” she whimpered softly, and he shivered, both at the words and the feel of her breath ghosting across his skin.

Holding onto his composure with both metaphorical hands, he laid one physical hand across both of hers where they were joined over his heart. 

“You know the rules, _milovnah._ I won’t turn off the surveillance cameras until you prove that _you_ are in control not being controlled.”

It was a rule they’d come up with fairly early when a particularly bad day had led her to his doorstep and she’d collapsed. He’d been frantic as he’d punched the intercom and called for assistance. While he could get down on the floor to check for injuries, Christian’s own damaged body wouldn’t allow him to to lift her up. Since then they’d had an agreement; if Tash couldn’t prove that she was in control, the surveillance stayed on.

He felt her nod in reply before respectfully stepping back giving him space to turn and face her. Once he’d turned around, she knelt down before him, green eyes lust darkened to the color of evergreen needles. Reaching up with a sexy quirk of her lips, she offered him one hand. He took it without reservation in a display of the same trust which had earned him a place within the walled fortress that was her heart.

Closing his eyes, Christian breathed steadily and did everything he could to leave his own thoughts behind. Passion stalked silently into the midst of that blank space, sharing Tash’s need, her desire for him, but doing so delicately without the overbearing force of a maelstrom. As gently as it had come, the emotion was gone again, leaving him with nothing but his own answering echoes of desire. Leaning forward, Christian drew her up into a warm, promising kiss. 

“All right, you’ve proven yourself, darling,” he chuckled, voice ragged as he tried to regain some of his composure. 

Dexterously turning and wheeling himself over to the panel beside the door, Christian swiped his ID bracelet across the sensor and punched in the override to turn off the surveillance. When he turned around again, she was still waiting for him.

“So what brought this on?” He asked curiously.

Looking up at him from the floor, Tash shrugged comfortably. “Nothing but a stunningly strong desire to come down here and give you the best fucking blow-job you’ve had in a very long time.”

His eyes widened comically large as he tried to breath against the sudden tightness in his chest. It still left him breathless sometimes that she chose to be with him, despite his disability. The fact that she made no attempt to hide how strongly she desired his body had healed him in ways no therapist ever could. But then, that was her unique gift, the ability to share emotion, and sometimes to offer the right words and touch to heal wounds no doctor would ever see.

“So,” he asked as he wheeled himself back to where she was sitting, “what exactly did you have in mind?”

Her actions spoke for her as she rose sinuously to her knees and reached forward to unbuckle his belt and pop the button on his black combats. Half hard already, he let his head fall back with a groan as Tash slid down the zip and reached inside to eagerly palm his cock. Short blunt nails raked firmly over the fabric clad bulge of his scrotum and he braced his elbows against the armrests of his wheelchair to lift his hips for more contact. 

Looking down at her through half-closed eyes, the focused expression of lust and enjoyment left him speechless. He was still slightly awed at having found someone who truly wanted him. Even before the bomb robbed him of the ability to walk, he’d thought it’d be an unlikely gift to find that mythical perfect partner. As months passed and their relationship intensified, Christian had begun to let go of his skepticism, becoming more firmly convinced with every passing day that he’d sacrifice almost anything to keep Tash in his life forever.

Fumbling charmingly in her eagerness, Tash grabbed the waist of both trousers and boxers and shoved them down, exposing hips, cock, and balls to her devout attention. Casting one last smirk upwards, she deliberately licked her lips and wrapped them with aching softness around the head of his shaft. Moaning his enjoyment, Christian shifted his hips forward and slumped comfortably into the chair’s embrace, giving Tash exactly the access she needed. With her mouth wrapped around it’s tip, his cock stood proud of his stomach and he watched with single-minded enjoyment as she began sucking and stroking him toward orgasm. 

The sight alone would have been enough to send him spiraling fast and hard, but Tash slid silently into his mind to gently fondle and caress his emotions, playing them as a master violinist would play their favorite instrument. Mental fingers as dexterous as her physical ones, every time he came close to coming, she’d divert the energy, siphoning it off to leave him panting on the edge of orgasm yet again.

The third time she did so, he swore coarsely and grabbed a handful of her hair. She pulled away from his cock with a filthy wet noise and a grin that was both sexy and smug.

“Much as I’m enjoying this, _milovnah_ , if you don’t let me come soon, I’m might just have to tell Captain Becker you’ve been avoiding your counseling sessions again.”

She pouted at him prettily but looking him in the eyes, she knew the threat was deadly serious. With a curl of fellatio-reddened lips, she withdrew from the inside of his head. Keeping her eyes on him suggestively, she slid her mouth back down his length. Two more wet strokes, slow and tight, and he tipped over the edge into oblivion.

Distinct satisfaction, crisp and bright like fall’s green apples, tumbled through Christian’s mind as Tash helped him straighten up his clothing. Her lips were a bright, glossy, red and the sight made Christian want her regardless of having just come himself. As he shifted to sit up properly again, he couldn’t help but note the undercurrent of her arousal still floating through his head beneath his own languid sensual contentment.

Groaning heavily, Christian shook the hair out of his eyes. 

“You were right, _that_ was truly marvelous,” he purred. “You simply must let me return the favor.”

She watched him for a moment before asking. “What exactly did you have in mind, Christian?”

Sensitive to the guarded tone of her words, he took a deep breath and tried to bring what he wanted to the front of his thoughts for her to see. It was still very new to him, having someone else be able to experience his feelings inside his head, and he failed as often as he succeeded. This time, he knew the moment she caught the emotions. Her eyes went wide with an odd combination of panic, awe, and raw wanting.

“Let me in, beloved. Please?” He whispered. “I want to feel what you feel when you come.”

Tash’s answering smile turned tentative and shy. Though she refused to look him in the eye, the thoughts crept into his head softly as a housecat’s paws. Arousal. Desire. Love. Want. Uncertainty. Closing his eyes, he ran tentative fingers across the exposed length of her collarbone, marveling at the odd duality of sensation shared. His fingers slid under the collar of her shirt and he could feel her enjoyment of the light touch shift to molten arousal as his callused thumb slid over the promontory of bone before drifting back up the column of her throat.

“If I let you in, I’m going to hurt you,” her voice was quavering and he got the distinct impression that she’d said it in a last ditch attempt to warn him off despite her growing desire.

“Look, Tash, I know emotional things get complicated for you a hell of a lot faster than they do for the rest of us. You know that I don’t make assumptions. If I don’t understand, I’ll ask, all right?”

Looking up at him, uncertainty and desire warring in her eyes, she nodded her understanding.

“Go sit on the check-in counter,” he murmured.

Legs slightly wobbly from having been tucked beneath her, Tash rose unsteadily to her feet. With sure hands, Christian propelled himself into the office, disappearing from view, though she could hear the phone being picked up and a quiet conversation. 

Arching her back, Tash, drifted over to the other end of the office. When the space had been outfitted, the majority of the counters were placed at a comfortable height from which Christian could load items into a box. The average counter or desk was too tall for this sort of task to be done while seated, but working bent over to reach a box on the floor wasn’t practical either. The check-in counter was the only section at a standard desk height for an able-bodied person. It was a concession to the times when there was so much equipment to check in and out, that another pair of hands had to share the space with the quartermaster. Christian only used it for quickly doing paperwork before items went out the door and onto the team’s trucks. As such, the space was clear of clutter except for a neat stack of requisition forms.

Sitting on the edge of the counter, her feet swaying several inches off the ground, Tash began to feel apprehensive. But before the doubts could get to her, Christian was back, one hand reaching up to flick hair out of his eyes as he expertly navigated the turn out of his office door and wheeled over to where she was waiting. 

Christian maneuvered himself to sit directly in front of her, two hands reaching forward to grasp and gently kneading her calves as he pulled close enough for his abs to touch the counter’s edge. His hands, strong and long-fingered, worked their way upwards, scratching across the back of her knees, feathering lightly over her inner thighs, rubbing across the clothing covered apex of her sex. Eyes closed as she sunk further into the sensation, Tash pushed down against the counter to lift her hips into his touch. 

Christian quirked one corner of his mouth up in a half smile at the lazy dream-like quality to the emotions Tash was sharing. The earlier heat he’d seen inside her mind was still there, but it was banked, like coals carefully tended to last through a long cold night. He had no intention of allowing it to remain that way. He wanted to know what it was like inside of her mind when he body was pleasure blind, awash in bliss. 

Rolling back from the counter to give her a bit of space, Christian waited a moment before speaking.

“Unzip the combats, Tash,” his voice was low and insistent as he greedily drank in the all too rare sight of his relaxed lover. “Drop them and the knickers on the floor.”

Nodding loosely, Tash slid forward the couple inches she needed for her feet to touch the ground again. Watching him watch her, she popped the button on her trousers and let them slither down her legs as she unlaced her boots and shimmied out of her knickers. She kicked the puddle of clothing carelessly off to the side as she slid back onto the worktop. 

Christian’s gaze roamed hungrily as Tash’s firmly muscled thighs plumped a bit once her weight settled onto the surface. Attraction and anticipation were both magnified by her own as he rolled forward, hands brushing her lower legs aside so he could move himself in close to the enticement of tight curls at her center. His fingers brushed reverently across her inner thighs, up, down, then up again only to find that her position prevented him reaching his intended destination. Huffing in annoyance, he nudged her knees further apart with his elbows and gave a wolfish smile as he saw finally the glistening wetness of her arousal. 

Leaning forward, breath ghosting across skin, he muttered, “put your legs over my shoulders if this gets to uncomfortable. But I’ve no intention of stopping until I make you come.”

The answering rush of desire across his nerves was all the encouragement he needed. He reached out with strong arms, pulling her forward to the edge of the counter so he could kiss his way across the work-flattened expanse of her stomach. Tash shivered and the raw emotion beneath it made the hairs on Christian’s arms stand on end. Her emotions had gone beyond words now, gaining color and music, images and scent, layers of meaning and association that would have taken him weeks to turn back into words. 

His hands kneaded the lovely rounded firmness of her arse as he bent forward to lick broadly across her slit. Tash’s hips rose in answer and his tongue delved between her folds as he stroked back towards her center. Christian nipped at her clit lightly, delighting in the gasps and sighs he received in response. Experiencing the kaleidoscopic complexity of shared emotion finally helped him understand why she’d always been such a quiet lover. Focus turned inward, Tash was building fast and hard toward orgasm as the mingling of their emotions set her flying. The love and desire he felt for what he was doing to her was magnified, expounded to heights he couldn’t have imagined before. The intensity of it was breathtaking. 

Freeing one hand from her hips, Christian looked up at her as he licked two fingers and slowly slid them into the heated tightness of her core. A flick of his tongue and Tash’s orgasm slammed through them both with all the force of a wall tumbling before a wrecking ball. She writhed and sobbed, broken bits of Czech and English intermingling as her body moved of its own volition. He tried to catch bits and snatches of feeling amid the wildly flowing torrent. The passion that had drawn her down to visit him burned scalding hot. Fear. Emotions pulsed in time with her heartbeat as inner muscles clenched tight around his fingers. There was love; deep and still and real enough to make his heart ache. Terror. Vine covered tenderness intertwined with sweet memories. Shame. Her hips rocked up one last time and her thighs squeezed his hand. Pleasure singing loud and strong and -

Pain.

Abruptly pulling his hands away Christian looked at Tash in confusion. The chaotic tumble of emotion ended suddenly, leaving his head far too empty. She was sobbing quietly now and he honestly couldn’t tell whether it was in pleasure or pain. He was desperate to figure out what he’d done wrong but instead he pushed back to be just out of reach. It hurt him to see her like this. He ached to gather her into his arms. He wanted to fix it. But the comfort of touch which he’d offered so instinctively up till now was the very last thing he could be sure of. That much of her emotions had been crystal clear; touch was pain.

“Why did that hurt you, _milovnah_? Please. I promised I wouldn’t jump to conclusions without asking, but I’m confused, and worried about you. The last thing I’d ever want to do was hurt you but it appears that I’ve done just that.”

Tears streaking her face and breath still hitching in tiny sobs, she looked up at him and the emotions came roaring back into his mind. Fear of loss, hopelessness, yearning, and the confused aftershocks of pleasure still stuttering beneath it all.

“It’s complicated, Christian,” she whispered.

He stifled a sharply derisive bark of laughter, knowing that in this case, it wouldn’t help.

“Is there anything in our world that’s isn’t?”

That earned him a small half smile.

“Look, I told you I’m not going to make assumptions. But not holding you right now hurts like hell. Would you mind?” Christian leaned forward, indicating the distance between them.

Nodding, Tash slid off the counter and padded over to sit in his lap, back pressed to his front. He slid his hands around her waist, fingers creeping up under the edge of her shirt to spay across bare skin. His hands jigged as she drew another shuddering breath.

“Before you ask, no, I’ve never been raped. But for someone with my gifts, who went as long as I did without any control or training, adolescence was a minefield. I had the same desperate desire as every other girl at that age; I just wanted to fit in. So I had boyfriends, became sexually active, got emotionally involved. I know now that I truly wasn’t ready for the experiences I had. They’ve left scars and emotional echoes, some of which I’ll never be rid of.”

“Does it always feel that way for you?” he asked, thumb rubbing soothing circles across her stomach.

“No,” she responded quickly. “Yes?” the answer came more slowly, less reflexive and more well considered. “Most of the time,” she said finally, and the emotion that crept footsore and tentative into his mind suggested it was the most accurate of her replies.

Nodding, he rested his chin on her shoulder and just held her for a few minutes of quiet contemplation. Eventually he felt her shiver, gooseflesh rippling across the exposed skin beneath his fingertips. With an apologetic look, Tash slid off his lap and retrieved her clothing, slipping back into her knickers and combats.

While her back was turned, he asked, “do you want to stop? Having sex, I mean.”

The boots which Tash had just picked up hit the floor again with a solid thud as she turned quickly to face him once again.

“No!” she cried. “Please, Christian, you have to understand, what’s between us is the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. I’d no sooner give you up than resign my commission.”

“I’m not suggesting we stop seeing each other, beloved. Just that if sex hurts you, perhaps we could lay that part of things aside.”

She shook her head tiredly. Apparently the emotional minefields hadn’t ended when she’d grown out of adolescence.

“You’re focusing on the pain too much. In doing so, you’ve entirely missed the pleasure I get from sharing my body with you. Yes, I’m damaged, Christian. But that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of enjoying a man’s touch. I told you; there’s scars. But even scars fade with time. Being with you has started that process for me. So long as you can understand that, I think we can manage not to do any fresh damages, eh?”

Smiling, he nodded tightly. Their world would never be easy. But was it worth the struggle? The answer so far had been a resounding yes, every single time. This time was no exception.


End file.
